Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
Text message of the week: “Now the cat’s out of the bag… Manny Villar is the secret candidate of GMA… Mike Arroyo himself met with Villar at the house of Mike Defensor last Jan. 7… Villar secretly agreed to make GMA as Speaker of the House and protect her should Villar win the presidency… Villar agreed to GMA’s offer of massive logistical support in GMA’s commissioners in the Comelec who will assure Villar’s victory…” (GMA is the acronym of prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo). Like a virus, the text message spread like wild fire. Yup, that’s the power of the text and the Philippines is the “texting capital” of the world.
Is the text message true? Well, as I said in last week’s column, “Gloria loves money, Manny loves glory.” And as the old adage says, “Love of money is the root of all evil,” I must add that “Glory is the best aphrodisiac!” So, one can say that the Villar-Arroyo — or Villarroyo – “marriage” may have been made in Heaven but it definitely was consummated in Hell.Kawawa naman ang mga Pinoy, mahirap na, nasa impiyerno pa (Poor Pinoys, they’re already poor and now they’re going to Hell).
With the Villarroyo “marriage” what’s going to happen to Gloria’s “baby,” presidential wannabe Gilbert “Gibo” Teodoro? Just read the newspapers: Malacañang says, “Gilbert Teodoro Jr. can successfully run his electoral campaign without help from President Arroyo.” That’s strike one! Malacañang says, “President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will likely keep away from the sorties of administration standard bearer Gilberto “Gibo” Teodoro Jr. during the entire campaign period.” Strike two! In a recent press briefing Gloria’s new Press Secretary, Cris Icban Jr., said that Gloria “deliberately decided that Gibo stands on his own.” Strike three! Perhaps it’s time for Gibo to cut his losses and get behind his cousin, Noynoy Aquino, whose lead over Money Villarroyo is down to only 2 percent.
During his proclamation rally, Gibo vowed to “scour the remotest of towns to win over the voters and drawing on Star trek’s line, ‘where no man has gone before’.” Well, he better make sure he knows how to get back home; otherwise, it’s “bye, baby, bye.”
Another text message that’s been going around in cyberspace is:
NOYNOY: Di ako magnanakaw! (I’m not going to steal!)
GIBO: Di ko na kailangang magnakaw! (I don’t need to steal!)
VILLAR: Di na ako magnanakaw! (I’ll stop stealing!)
ERAP: Kailangan ko uling magnakaw! (I need to steal again!)
GMA: Wala na kayong mananakaw! (Nothing is left for your to steal!)
Presidential wannabe Richard “Flashy Dick” Gordon and his running mate, Bayani Fernando — who call themselves, “transformers” — started their campaign riding a pink and blue truck which they dubbed, “Optimum Prime.” They said that they’re running their campaign on a “shoestring budget.” With their gas-guzzling truck, they might run out of money pretty soon and finish their campaign riding on a carabao.
Meanwhile, Flashy Dick’s nephew, John Carlos “JC” de los Reyes, who is also running for president, started his campaign going house to house in Olongapo City distributing flyers and pins to voters. Now, that’s what I call a real “grassroots” campaign. It might take him 10 years to cover all the cities and towns in the country, but that’s okay. By that time, he’d be old enough to become president. Perhaps, he should quit his quixotic quest and volunteer to be his uncle’s truck driver. That would save Flashy Dick a few bucks for gas.
But I must take my hat off to Bro. Eddie Villanueva who did a spectacular gimmickry to kickoff his campaign. He unfurled the world’s biggest Philippine flag at the Rizal Park. The flag measured 180 meters by 92 meters, weighed 3.8 tons, and covered a 2-hectare area. But something was missing they didn’t have a flagpole! It would have been breathtaking to see the huge flag on a flagpole as tall as the 2,700-foot Khalifa Tower in Dubai. But Bro. Eddie could just have used the P10 million spent on the flag to feed the poor. That’s a lot of rice. Wah wah we!
Manny Villar — aka “Money Villarroyo” — had celebrities grace his kickoff including “Wowowee” host Willie Revillame and Comedy King Dolphy. But Money Villarroyo was angry when a text message started going around saying that he bribed Dolphy P30 million for his endorsement. See what happens when you have lots and lots of money? Yup, you can buy the presidency. And you can always recover your “investment” and much more than you can imagine. Like they say, “it comes with the territory.”
I saw a YouTube video of people endorsing Villar. They’re saying that “Manny Villar will make this country great again!” Déjà vu! Didn’t Ferdinand Marcos use the slogan, “This nation can be great again!”? Instead, the country became the “Sick Man of Asia” under his dictatorship. Well, if that is the vision of “Money Villarroyo,” then the people should be ready for the return of the “Sick Man.”
However, if Gloria succeeds in changing the government to a parliamentary system and become the Prime Minister next year, the country will continue to be known as the “Armpit of Asia.”
Late last year, after the flooding in Manila caused by Typhoon Ondoy, many supporters of Gloria suggested to move the seat of government to Pampanga, her home province. Well, if Gloria remains in power, it could happen. Now, we know why Gov. Fr. Ed Panlilio was ousted the other day by the Comelec “Hit Squad.” With the Jueteng Lord’s wife — Gloria’s “kumadre” — going to be installed as governor of the “Jueteng Vatican” province, Gloria would have immense power and lots of moolah.
Now, I’m beginning to see the big picture when Press Secretary Icban likened Gloria to Ferdinand Marcos. Yup, with Gloria as Prime Minister, she’d try to stay in power until her dream of transforming the country into an “Enchanted Kingdom” is realized. Don’t hold your breath folks ‘cuz that could take some time.
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