The Czarina and the Emperor

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz

After being sworn in as the new Chief of Staff of the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP), Lt. Gen. Delfin Bangit declared: “I will allow only God to use me.”President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who was seated next to him, was smiling when he said that, after all Gloria is treated like a “Czarina” by her underlings. Yup, she’s the Czarina of the “Enchanted Kingdom.”

Bangit used to be Gloria’s spy master when he was head of the Intelligence Service of the AFP. He used the code name “Emperor” in his cloak-and-dagger work. In 2006, he hosted a lavish Christmas party where he threw bills as the merrymakers chanted, “Long live the emperor!” Makes one wonder how much a spy master earns spying on people.

The Czarina gave her first order to the Emperor: “Suppress insurgency before my term ends on June 30.” “That’s impossible, ma’am,” the Emperor protested. “How can I suppress in three months an insurgency that has been going on for more than 50 years? That’s a very tight deadline you’re giving me, ma’am. You only have three months left in your presidency!” The Czarina responded, “Gago! I’m going to be Prime Minister after that. Do you have any problems with that?” The Emperor quivered. “No, ma’am. Your wish is my command, ma’am,” the Emperor replied and then bowed his head down.

The Emperor told the media later, “The reason why I have so much respect for President Arroyo is because after all these years, never have I received illegal orders from her.” Not yet. Just wait, it will come at the opportune time.

Meanwhile, Sister Mary John Mananzan — who is co-chair of the Major Religious Superiors of the Philippines — suspects that the “Emperor” may have been appointed to rig the May 10 elections. She mentioned a code name for the alleged plot — “Project Full Moon.” She said it involves the hacking of the Automated Election System (AES) which will be used for the first time on May 10.

The plot thickens… It was also reported in the news that Sister Mary John said that she received an anonymous text message saying the Emperor may have been appointed to aid an administration cheating scheme. She passed the message to Henrietta De Villa of the Parish Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting (PPCRV), a Catholic Church-backed election monitor. Father Jose Dizon of the Kontra Daya (anti-fraud) multi-sector poll watchdog also expressed concerns about the Emperor’s appointment. He said, “It exacerbates fears that the AFP will again be used to cheat,” as he alleged Gloria did in the 2004 elections. Well, it looks like the“Garci boys” are still around to do their dirty work.

In the news… “President Arroyo encouraged foreign observers to come to the country and monitor the May 10 elections as she vowed that her greatest legacy would be ensuring honest and orderly polls.” Hmmm… And I thought that her greatest legacy was the “Hello Garci” election cheating in 2004? It changed the way elections are fought in the future; that is,survival of the “cheatest.”

Then she said, “For myself, I will be staying out of the election process. I will trust the Commission on Elections to ensure the new voting machines work, the votes are protected and counted and the results are delivered in rapid manner to the satisfaction of voters.” Yup, just like in 2004 she stayed out of the election process and just let the “Garci boys” and her generals do the work for her.

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A few days ago, I received this unaccredited story: The Philippine Postal System has created a new stamp displaying a picture of Gloria Arroyo. However, Gloria was told that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. Enraged, Gloria demanded a full investigation by a special commission After a month of testing and spending P8 million, the special commission presented the following findings: (1) The stamp is in perfect order, (2) There is nothing wrong with the adhesive, and (3) People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

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Pastor Apollo Quiboloy, head of a sect called “Kingdom of Jesus Christ, the Name Above Every Name,” was fuming mad when presidential candidates Noynoy Aquino and Manny Villar didn’t show up at the “lawyers and businessmen’s forum” he organized in Davao City.Pastor Q, as he’s called by his six million followers, called Noynoy and Villar as men with “no word of honor.” Noynoy apologized and explained that he had a cold. Villar also apologized and explained that he had a “hundred reasons” why he skipped the forum. One of these reasons could be that Villar got cold feet about facing the lawyers and businessmen who might be asking too many questions about his involvement in the C-5, Savannah, Norzagaray, and San Pedro scandals. Yup, that would be more than enough to deep-six “Money Villarroyo,”as Villar is called by some people who believe that he is Gloria’s “secret candidate.”

With Noynoy and Villar out of Pastor Q’s good graces, Erap Estrada, Gibo Teodoro, and Bro. Eddie Villanueva are still hoping to get Pastor Q’s endorsement and three million “command votes.” Pastor Q — who bandies himself as the “Appointed Son of God” — said that God revealed to him in 2004 that Gloria was anointed to lead the country. Now, you can see why the wannabes are kissing Pastor Q’s behind.

Meanwhile, it was reported in the news that the Parish Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting (PPCRV) showed that Pastor Q’s name was among some 40,000 voters entered as “double, multiple, or dead registrants” in Davao City and Davao del Sur alone. Interestingly, PPCRV showed that “two voters were registered as Apollo Carreon Quiboloy with the same birthday on April 25, 1950.” One resides in Barangay Buhangin Poblacion and the other supposedly resides in Barangay Tamayong. It’s not clear though if Pastor Q was the same person registered twice.

A lawyer pointed out “that the estimated 40,000 bogus entries on the Davao voters’ list could ‘make or break a local election.’ Assuming that such a number also existed in other provinces, he said the total could reach more than three million votes nationwide, which would be enough to manipulate the results of even the presidential race.” Now, I can see the big picture. It could be 2004 all over again. The question is: which presidential candidate would benefit from this potential “massive election cheating operation?” Is this part of “Project Full Moon”? If so, who is behind all this? Abangan!