Loren, Loren Sinta…

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz

Finally, Sen. Loren Legarda officially declared her candidacy for vice president at a rally in Luneta. But she didn’t say who would be her presidential running mate. According to her, she was courted by five presidential wannabes to be their vice presidential running mate. Yeah, the boys were all singing, “Loren, Loren sinta, sa akin ka pumunta.” (Loren, Loren my love, come to me.) But it’s now down to three: Gibo Teodoro, Manny Villar, and Chiz Escudero.

Rumor has it that Loren has been offered a “king’s ransom” to “ditch” Chiz and be the vice presidential running mate of another candidate. That could only be somebody who has lots of money. Hint… hint… “money” rhymes with…?

During Loren’s Luneta rally, my investigative reporter James Macaquecquec reported that he overheard Loren asked someone, “Where’s the money?” But James wasn’t sure if Loren meant to say, “Where’s Manny?”

Well, Manny has been singing, “Loren, Loren sinta, madami akong pera kaya sa akin ka na lang pumunta.” (Loren, Loren my love, I got lots of money so come to me.) Like they say, “Follow the scent of money.”

A Malacañang official said recently that some governors were pushing an administration tandem of Gilberto “Gibo” Teodoro and Loren. It will be “exciting,” the official said. Well, with only 4% rating in the last SWS poll, Gibo is singing, “Loren, Loren sinta, talagang kailangan kita kaya sa akin ka na lang pumunta.” (Loren, Loren my love, I really need you so please come to me.)

However, Loren said she’s staying with the “opposition” and that could be either be Chiz or Manny. But Chiz has been dilly-dallying in announcing his presidential bid. What if he decided not to run? “Loren, Loren sinta, saan ka pupunta?” (Loren, Loren my love, where will you go?)

Public Works Secretary Hermogenes Ebdane, a retired general, resigned from his job to run for president. In his resignation letter to Gloria, Ebdane said that his years of service with Ms. Arroyo led to his decision “to offer myself to our countrymen.” Naks, napaka corny naman. Why didn’t he just say, “I wanna be president.” But he probably didn’t like the sound of “wannabe.” Well, wannabe is a wannabe. Anyway, he can start wooing Loren to be his VP running mate, “Loren, Loren sinta, kung ayaw ka ni Chiz, ako ay sa iyo.” (Loren, Loren my love, if Chiz doesn’t like you, I’m all yours.) Now, that’s really corny.

But nothing is cornier that when Erap Estrada declared that he’s running again for president and told his 9,000 supporters, “This is the last performance of my life and I will not fail you.” Hmmm… I thought he had his “last performance” in 1998 when he was elected president… and he blew it! And he wants a second chance? No way, pal!

However, Erap’s rivals shouldn’t underestimate him. His “Erap magic” swayed 11 million Pinoys to vote for him in 1998. Well, did he hear about “Noynoy magic”? With one flick of his magic wand, Noynoy convinced 60% of Pinoys that he’s the best person to be their president next year.

The 2010 presidential election might become the “Battle of Magicians.” However, Noynoy and Erap should be careful not to promise the people an “enchanted kingdom.” Gloria tried that and look where she’s heading now — oblivion.

Recently, five presidential wannabes, who are on the Who’s Who Register, participated in a candidates’ forum. They were: Erap Estrada, who was the president ousted in 2001; Sen. Dick Gordon, who is the president the Philippines will never have; Sen. Chiz Escudero, who is the kid who wants to be president; Nick Perlas… Nick who? and John Carlo “JC” delos Reyes… ho ho ho!

The vice presidential musical chairs game is on! Three presidential wannabes are still looking for a VP running mate. Ronnie Puno wants to be Gibo’s VP but Gibo seems to be fixated on a woman for his running mate. Ronnie got the message and quit his bid for VP. Like they say, “Quit while you’re a head.”

Chiz appears to want Loren to be his VP but Loren seems to be “flirting” with Gibo and Manny. If Loren goes with Gibo, Chiz can then get Ronnie. But that would be like trading a Coca Cola bottle with a San Miguel beer bottle — Manny gets all the curves and Chiz gets all the fizz.

Poor Manny, he’s is still looking for a VP. Even Noli De Castro is staying away from him. And Willie Revillame would rather run for mayor of Quezon City than become Manny’s wow wow boy. I wonder if Manny has a BO that’s keeping people away from him? Hmmm….

All’s not well in the Nationalist People’s Coalition. Rep. Jack Duavit, NPC secretary general, disputed rumors that Chiz and Loren did not have the “financial muscle” to go to battle next year. “We have more than enough funds for nationwide campaign political ads,” he said, “but what we do not have are funds to buy votes.” Whoa! Somebody finally admitted that “vote buying” is necessary to win elections. Well, Chiz and Loren better convince NPC founder and multi-billionaire Danding Cojuangco to cough up a few billion pesos to buy votes for them. Otherwise, NPC might just as well kiss Chiz and Loren goodbye. But Gibo and Manny would welcome Loren with open arms and open pockets. Poor Chiz. He should have known that it takes a lot of moolah to run for president.

President Gloria Arroyo recently formed a body called “Climate Change Commission.” Gloria said that “climate change” is the cause of all the problems relating to typhoons. Gloria appointed three commissioners who will serve for six years. And she appointed herself as its chairman!

But here’s the stinger: P50 million from the president’s contingent fund will be appropriated as initial operating fund of the commission. And the commission would also be allowed to accept foreign grants to finance its programs. Whoa! That means that Gloria would still be around for five years and five months after she steps down from the presidency, with millions of pesos at her disposal.

With only seven months left in her presidency, Gloria should start thinking about a title for her memoirs. How about “Enchanted Kingdom Lost” or “What Did Catherine the Great Do That I Didn’t Do?”

(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)