by Perry Diaz
Two Mexicans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of Phoenix, Arizona. One of the bike’s tires goes flat and they try hitching a lift back into town.
A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help, and the Mexicans ask him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the trailer as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls.
The Mexicans ask the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way.
By this time he is really late and so he puts the hammer down and sure enough, a blonde cop pulls him over for speeding. The lady officer asks the driver what he’s carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies, “Mexican eggs.”
The Blonde Lady Cop obviously doesn’t believe this so she wants to take a look in the trailer.
She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. She gets on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible plus the SWAT Team.
The dispatcher asks what emergency she has that require so many officers. “I’ve got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it. Two have hatched and they’ve already managed to steal a bicycle!”
Two Manila Police SWAT cops vacationing in Phoenix hear the radio alert from the dispatcher and rush to the crime scene. They shoot the two Mexicans and take off with the load leaving behind the driver and the blonde lady cop. Then they call the Mexican government demanding $20 million ransom for the Mexican eggs. The “hulidap” cops strike again!*
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Lately, the Manila Police has been getting a bad rap because of “hulidap” — false arrest (huli) and holdup — capers pulled off by dirty cops. The “hulidap” modus operandi works this way: One or more “hulidap” cops would make a false arrest in which the “suspect” (victim) is nabbed for drug or any other crime. The “hulidap” cops would then extort money from the “suspect” for his freedom.Manila Police was once known as “Manila’s Finest.” Well, after the tragicomedic spectacle that the SWAT team made of itself during the hostage-taking incident — viewed on TV by millions worldwide — at the Luneta, Manila Police is now known as “Manila’s Funniest.” At one time, the SWAT cops who surrounded the hijacked tourist bus full of Hong Kong Chinese tourists threw tear gas canisters inside the bus. Then one of the “funny” cops — like Rambo — jumped in through the broken rear window. A few seconds later, he was crying and shouting for help cuz he forgot to wear a gas mask. Yup, the “funny” cops were like the “gang that couldn’t shoot straight.”
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I must commend Dr. Pacquiao — he was conferred an honorary doctorate on “something” a few years ago — for selecting an excellent ghost writer. In politics, great leaders are created by their ghost writers.
The upcoming Junior Middleweight world championship fight on November 13, 2010 between “Mexicutioner” Dr. Pacquiao and Mexican champion Antonio Margarito is going to be a spectacular fight. And if Dr. Pacquiao wins, it will be his eight world title in eight weight divisions. All Dr. Pacquiao has to do is draw his strength from the 90 million Pinoys who look up to him as their living hero — an eagle that has developed to its fullest. Yup, the Philippine Eagle has finally landed. Go Pacman go!
My investigative reporter told me that rumor has it that Congress will recess on November 13 in anticipation of a “no-quorum” situation. Yup, I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the congressmen, their wives, significant partners, “queridas” and “kabits” are flying to Texas to root for Dr. Pacquiao. And they should all pay Dona Dionisia Pacquiao a call at her penthouse suite the night before the fight.
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President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III’s alter ego, Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa Jr., was seen drunk as skunk a few days after the Luneta bloodbath. The following is an excerpt from a Newsbreak report:“According to people who saw him at around 2 a.m. of Friday last week, Ochoa was very drunk at the lobby of the Manila Peninsula, oblivious to the other few guests who were still there, and apparently unmindful of what the rest of the grieving and depressed metropolis was feeling in the aftermath of the bloody hostage [crisis] at the Luneta.
“According to Newsbreak informants, Ochoa was slumped in a chair at the lobby, having the grand time of his life with a popular singer-actress, who was with two lady friends. Malacañang security aides hovered around while their boss continued to drink with his lady guests.
“Our informants were shocked to see him there. ‘At the very least, it’s so unbecoming of a Little President. He should have been more circumspect,’ they said.” (end of report)
P-Noy should remember that the “bottle” was what really cost former president Joseph “Erap” Estrada his presidency. If you mix the spirit from the “bottle” with the power of the presidency, it could produce an elixir that would give you an illusion of “absolute power.” And to paraphrase Lord Acton, “absolute power corrupts absolutely.” While Jojo is merely the “Little President,” a lot of people see him as tall as the President. And together they cast a giant shadow.
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(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)
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