Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
On his first day in Congress, Representative Dr. Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao showed up dressed in his best — double breasted striped royal blue zoot suit. He was given VIP treatment in the Speaker’s office. Pacman was surprised when he saw Gloria there.
The three-way conversation goes:
Speaker: Welcome to the House of Representatives, Representative Pacquiao.
Gloria: I am very glad that we can work together again just like before, Representative Pacquiao.
Pacman: House of Representative? Representative Pacquiao? Correction! I’m not a representative of Dr. Pacquiao. I am Dr. Manny Pacquiao! And I have been reelected as Congressman.
Speaker: Reelected? I though this was the first time you were elected as Congressman?
Pacman: This was my second reelection to Congress. The first time was in 2007.
Gloria: But you lost the first time, Dr. Pacquiao.
Pacman: It doesn’t matter if I won or lost the first time. But this is the second time I ran; therefore, I’ve been reelected, okay?
Speaker (whispering to Gloria): Masama na ito. Pilosopo pa pala ito.
Gloria: Okay, Manny, reelection it is then. Since this is your first stint in the House of Representatives…
Pacman: Hold it, my belabed ex-madam president! Unlike you, I was not elected to the House of Representa-thieves! I was elected to Congress or as some people call it, Tongress. He he he… I demand that I get the biggest barrel of beef because I’m the people’s champ!
Speaker: You mean to say, “pork barrel,” Dr. Pacquiao, right?
Pacman: No! No! No! In my district in Sarangani, most of my constitution are Muslims. They don’t eat pork!
Gloria: Constitution? Oh, you mean, “constituents”?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing. Now you understand why I want barrel of beef instead of pork, huh?
Speaker: Dr. Pacquiao, it’s “pork barrel.” However, it doesn’t contain pork. It contains moolah.
Pacman: Mullah!!! How dare you insult the mullah of my constitution! A mullah is a religious leader in Islam, and you want to put him in a barrel?
Gloria: The Speaker didn’t say, “mullah.” He said, “moolah,” which means money.
Pacman: Huh? Money? Like what you’re hiding in the Cayman Islands, Ate Glo?
Gloria: Umm… Yes, Manny. But nobody knows that. That’s our secret, okay?
Pacman: He he he… You’re smart, Ate Glo. That’s what I have in mind too. I’ll hide my pork barrel in the Cayman Islands.
Speaker: Didn’t you know that “Cayman” is a dangerous variety of alligator? That’s why they’re called Cayman Islands, there’s a lot of alligators out there. And they eat their victims alive. He he he…
Pacman: Kidding no. In that case, I’m not going to hide my pork barrel in the Cayman Islands. I’ll call Imelda and see where she’s hiding her mullah.
Speaker: Not mullah. It’s moolah.
Pacman: Same thing, same thing. I love them both… especially moolah. He he he…
Gloria: Please tell me when you found out where Imelda has been hiding her moolah. Okay, my friend?
Speaker: Ay naku, naloko na!
Yup, with Gloria, Imelda, and Pacman in the House of Representa-thieves, it’s going to be a circus out there.Wah wah we! Kawawa naman ang Pinas!
***
It seems that Comelec chairman Jose Melo couldn’t get his “signals” right. First he proclaimed the Ang Galing Pinoy party-list as one of 28 party-list winners in the elections. Then he withdrew the proclamation of Ang Galing Pinoy. But within minutes he withdrew the withdrawal of the proclamation but would not allow Mikey Arroyo to take the congressional seat yet until his disqualification case is resolved by the Comelec. However, if Mikey was not allowed to take the seat, then the seat would be given to Ang Galing Pinoy’s second nominee, Dennis Pineda, the anak ng Jueteng Lord (son of the Jueteng Lord). Jesusmariahosep! Ang galing talaga ang mga Pinoy! Naloko na ang bayan!
But Mikey found an ally in Pampanga Archbishop Paciano Aniceto, who “urged the public not to quickly judge President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s eldest son.” Archbishop Aniceto said, “We leave that up to the Lord. There are many things that we don’t know about him (Mikey) and his background…” I’m not sure about the Lord, but for sure the Jueteng Lord knows a lot about the “Lion King” of Jueteng.
The Ang Galing Pinoy party-list represents the “marginalized” group of tricycle drivers and security guards. I guess Mikey considers himself a “marginalized” tricycle driver because he’s been driving a tricycle since he was three years old when his mom gave him a tricycle for his birthday present. Well, some kids just wouldn’t grow up. Meanwhile, he’s in the US “taking a rest.” Indeed, driving a tricycle could really be tiring… especially the ones for kiddies.
No comments:
Post a Comment