Balitang Kutsero
By Perry Diaz
Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao was celebrating his victory over Timothy
Bradley when his cell phone rang. He asked his manager, Freddie Roach,
to answer the call.
Freddie: Hello.
Caller: Hello, this is Kim. May I please speak to Mr. Pacquiao?
Freddie: I’ll see if he’s available. Hey, Manny! Somebody named Kin wants to talk to you.
Pacman: Kim? Is it Kim Jong-un?
Freddie: No, it’s not that crazy kid. It’s a woman.
Pacman: Hmm… I know who it is. It’s Kim Kardashian! Give me the phone!
Freddie: She doesn’t sound like Kim K. This one sounds like a Pinay.
Pacman: Give me the phone (he grabbed the phone). Hi, Kim! I’m glad you called. I was thinking of you when I was punching Bradley’s face. You’re my inspiration.
Kim: Huh? Did you say I inspired you?
Pacman: Yes, yes! Of course! You’re always in my brain.
Kim: Brain? Oh, you mean to say in your mind?
Pacman: What’s the difference? Hey, your voice sounds different? What happened?
Kim: Well, I’m down with bronchitis. Pardon my voice, Manny.
Pacman: Oh, no! Don’t be silly. I don’t care about your voice. It’s your beauty that keeps me going, Kim.
Kim: Thank you. I’m flattered, Manny. I’ll return the compliment when I see you. When shall we meet?
Pacman: Hey, I’m available anytime! Name the place and I’ll meet you anywhere. We can meet in your place or my place, dear.
Kim: Oh no! Not my place… nor yours. My office would be the proper venue for this kind of meeting, Manny.
Pacman: No problemo, Kimo Sabe. Your office is as good as my mansion. Hehehe…
Kim: Hey, don’t kimo kimo me, okay?
Pacman: Just kidding, honey. Hey, why don’t I bring a bottle of Catu Lapit Boordoox?
Kim: You mean, Chateau Lafite Rothschild Bordeaux?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing.
Kim: Manny, I don’t drink when I’m working. Please don’t bring anything. My secretary will serve coffee or coke.
Pacman: Coke? I didn’t know you’re into coke? Hehehe… Well, we can then have pressure while we talk business. How’s that?
Kim: Pressure? Do you mean to say, pleasure?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing.
Kim: No, it’s not the same thing… and our meeting is strictly business, okay?
Pacman: But I thought this is a social meeting?
Kim: It’s not social; it’s official… very official. We’ll talk about the $40 million you owe…
Pacman: $40 million! I didn’t know I owe you $40 million? But I know you just signed a $40-million deal with E! to continue your reality show for another three years. Heck, I just made $40 million in 30 minutes punching Bradley’s face. Hehehe… You don’t make that much money in reality show, right?
Kim: This is not a reality show. It’s the real world! That’s $40 million you owed in back taxes!
That didn’t include interest and penalty. And penalty could also include imprisonment! That would knock you out for a long, long time, Pacmano amigo.
Pacman: You’ve got to be kidding! Tell me you’re only joking, Kimmy!
Kim: I’m not kidding; I’m serious. And pleeeze don’t call me Kimmy or
Kimmo Sabe. And I’m not Kim Kardashian; I’m Commissioner Kim Henares of
the Bureau of Internal Revenue. And I’m calling you to collect your
taxes.
Pacman: Walang hiya! Patyun kita dira!
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to real
characters are coincidental. This story is satirical and is not intended
to disparage or defame anyone.
(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)
Pacquiao vs. Bradley
Freddie: Hello.
Caller: Hello, this is Kim. May I please speak to Mr. Pacquiao?
Freddie: I’ll see if he’s available. Hey, Manny! Somebody named Kin wants to talk to you.
Pacman: Kim? Is it Kim Jong-un?
Freddie: No, it’s not that crazy kid. It’s a woman.
Kim Kardashian
Freddie: She doesn’t sound like Kim K. This one sounds like a Pinay.
Pacman: Give me the phone (he grabbed the phone). Hi, Kim! I’m glad you called. I was thinking of you when I was punching Bradley’s face. You’re my inspiration.
Kim: Huh? Did you say I inspired you?
Pacman: Yes, yes! Of course! You’re always in my brain.
Kim: Brain? Oh, you mean to say in your mind?
Pacman: What’s the difference? Hey, your voice sounds different? What happened?
Kim: Well, I’m down with bronchitis. Pardon my voice, Manny.
Pacman: Oh, no! Don’t be silly. I don’t care about your voice. It’s your beauty that keeps me going, Kim.
Kim: Thank you. I’m flattered, Manny. I’ll return the compliment when I see you. When shall we meet?
Pacman: Hey, I’m available anytime! Name the place and I’ll meet you anywhere. We can meet in your place or my place, dear.
Kim: Oh no! Not my place… nor yours. My office would be the proper venue for this kind of meeting, Manny.
Pacman: No problemo, Kimo Sabe. Your office is as good as my mansion. Hehehe…
Kim: Hey, don’t kimo kimo me, okay?
Pacman: Just kidding, honey. Hey, why don’t I bring a bottle of Catu Lapit Boordoox?
Kim: You mean, Chateau Lafite Rothschild Bordeaux?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing.
Kim: Manny, I don’t drink when I’m working. Please don’t bring anything. My secretary will serve coffee or coke.
Pacman: Coke? I didn’t know you’re into coke? Hehehe… Well, we can then have pressure while we talk business. How’s that?
Kim: Pressure? Do you mean to say, pleasure?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing.
Kim: No, it’s not the same thing… and our meeting is strictly business, okay?
Pacman: But I thought this is a social meeting?
Kim: It’s not social; it’s official… very official. We’ll talk about the $40 million you owe…
Pacman: $40 million! I didn’t know I owe you $40 million? But I know you just signed a $40-million deal with E! to continue your reality show for another three years. Heck, I just made $40 million in 30 minutes punching Bradley’s face. Hehehe… You don’t make that much money in reality show, right?
Kim: This is not a reality show. It’s the real world! That’s $40 million you owed in back taxes!
That didn’t include interest and penalty. And penalty could also include imprisonment! That would knock you out for a long, long time, Pacmano amigo.
Pacman: You’ve got to be kidding! Tell me you’re only joking, Kimmy!
Kim Henares
Pacman: Walang hiya! Patyun kita dira!
# # #
(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)
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